Salut!
Your favorite Golden Retriever is back, and I’m here to spill the kibble on my recent heartbreak. Grab your chew toys and settle in, because this story’s got everything. Remember I told you I had a crush named buda.licious? Well, turns out he’s ENGAGED. Yes, engaged to another Doberman. I was lounging on my favorite cushion, scrolling through Dogstagram, when I saw him with a coat so shiny, it practically blinded me through the screen. I was smitten. I followed his account, liked his photos, and left heart emojis on every post. But Buda? Buda never noticed me. Instead, he had eyes for someone else, another Doberman named karma.licious. Yes, she’s pretty, but I’m prettier.
Her attitude screams “I’m better than you... yeah RIGHT." What does she have that I don’t??? I’m literally the most beautiful red Golden you’ve ever seen. I’m funny, sexy, sassy, rich, smart, loyal to the bone, and sweet. I tried everything to impress him: sparkling collars, pearls, coquette bows, fancy tricks, dance moves, even thirst traps. I even tried that puppy-eyed look that works every time on my human. No dice.
Yes, a dog can be heartbroken too, and I’m officially going through it. Is the world ending? Not to be dramatic, but I imagined us wagging our tails and kissing in front of the Eiffel Tower, sniffing croissants, and sharing a puppuccino at a charming cafe. How can I not cryyyyyy… I moped around the house, refused to play fetch, refused to be in the kitchen... I know right! I even unfollowed Buda on Dogstagram (okay, I didn’t, but I thought about it). My human noticed my droopy demeanor and tried to cheer me up with treats and belly rubs, but nothing helps other than eating pup cups, watching The Notebook, and listening to Taylor Swift.
I’m gonna tell mom I need a SPA day—nothing a facial can’t fix. Oui, oui, I’m looking at the mirror right now, and I’m fabulous. Who needs Buda anyway? There’s something better on the Bark Club for sure—someone willing to give me cuddles 24/7 and shop around with me for hours. We’ll see… to be continued!
